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[personal profile] morrobay1990
Title: A Day In The Life, March 31
Author: [ profile] morrobay1990
Genre: post canon/1991
Word count: 315
Disclaimer: Jack & Ennis are AP's.
♥ Jack

I was going to apologize for Ennis and the way he deals with it all...but no, it is him...

Storm at Sea, 1865
Jean-Baptiste-Camille Corot

It was a constant struggle, an internal happy, angry, sad, down to zero.

It was getting to be too much for him to deal with, these thoughts that came unbidden, unwanted...why couldn’t his life be normal...what he supposed normal was...moving through a day without feeling the staggering weight of the past...had it always been this way? He didn’t spend time analyzing his day, just wished things were different.

Maybe all men had this same thing, some unseen thing that followed them around, dogged their steps, hounded their thoughts, rattled their dreams. And if others had this thing, what did they do about it?

Maybe this was what life really was all about. Live and learn, love and lose, all that shit.

But no. It had to be more, there had to be more to it...but if so, what was it? And did he even have the strength or interest to try to change it now?

Some days were hard to deal with but he did it anyway...could be worse...could be Earl. He was alive...sort of.

If he thought of it that way, thought of just what he had sacrificed to be alive alone in this trailer…well, those were drinking nights...or days. Sometimes it started early in the morning...Jack gone, thoughts of family deserted him, only the high sadness of what he’d lost remained, and spun circles around in his mind until...

So even though it was Easter Sunday, he sat in his comfortable chair, with a full glass of Jack Daniels next to him, anticipating this oft-repeated ritual. He had already told Junior he wouldn’t be over for her ham dinner – had to help out at the ranch, and sorry, but Ben couldn’t go this time.

The first sip gave him assurance of relief...slowed his thoughts until doubt, questions, wondering, faded, and he was free to celebrate the past.

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August 2013

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