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[personal profile] morrobay1990
Title: “...and he found ways to spend it.”
Author: [livejournal.com profile] morrobay1990
Genre: post canon
Warning:
Word count: 450
Disclaimer: Jack & Ennis are AP's
♥ Jack


"Down in Texas Jack's father-in-law died and Lureen, who inherited the farm equipment business, showed a skill for management and hard deals. Jack found himself with a vague managerial title, travleing to stock and agricultural shows. He had some money now and found ways to spend it."















Since he was little he had prayed to God.

He'd prayed to stop wanting what he wanted...to stop feeling what he felt inside...to be the way he supposed other boys to be.

To his mind, God had heard his prayers...had heard and ignored the hundreds, thousands of prayers he had faithfully sent up...so God could damn well deal with it if He saw Jack as a sinner.





Since going to Juarez that first time, he had learned a lot about the way things were. He had gone out of his way to learn Spanish, easy enough to do when all the help Lureen hired at the house was Mexican.

He knew now that Juarez had a better side, not much better, but a damn site better than the dark alley in which he'd first found himself.

Now on the few occasions a year he made the trip – and after Lureen took over the business and he was regularly attending stock and ag shows, the trips south were dwindling - the booze was better, the hotel rooms cleaner, the men more handsome.

He didn't like to think he was cheating on Ennis (didn't count, to him, as cheating on Lureen), so he put that in a separate place in his mind. And anyway, hadn't he offered himself to Ennis first, and been turned down flat?

After that first time he'd hinted at it again and again when they were drunk and got answers ranging from Ennis telling him maybe, he'd try to think about it, to telling him to just shut the fuck up about it.

Sometimes (especially when he was driving home from Mexico, or Oklahoma City, or Amarillo) Jack even thought that if they had ever been able to get together...if his dream had come true and they had that life he'd always wanted for them...they probably wouldn't have lasted...Ennis didn't have it in him.

It ain't gonna be that way.

He could rationalize with the best of them.





His current trip was to Amarillo, one of his favorites. The show was big and splashy...almost as big as Dallas...and he knew a lot of the guys from shows over the years.

He checked into the Holiday Inn right off Route 66, unpacked his shirts and slacks, put his toiletries in the bathroom and as he did so, caught sight of himself in the mirror.

He was settling uneasily into middle age...in spite of the dental work, the nicer clothes, the more comfortable lifestyle...or maybe because of all those things.

He checked his pocket for cash and abruptly left the room and went down to the bar to meet up with the men.


tbc, I think...

empty

Date: 2011-05-08 03:23 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] joetheone.livejournal.com
the empty feeling of one night hook ups to fulfill a need that will never be fulfilled is lonely and heart breaking and so many men still do this and will continue to do this. Looking and searching to be fulfilled in that way that only happens with a certain special someone but we continue our quest to find that fulfillment and it always leaves us empty. Joe

Date: 2011-05-08 04:50 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] yummyje.livejournal.com
Please do. This "motel encounter" Jack has rarely been dealt with in depth and it would be cool (though sad) to visit his feelings, resultant of Ennis's rejections. Nice start on this...

Date: 2011-05-08 05:43 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] jacks-key.livejournal.com
This just hurts my heart. Jack will never get what he truly wants, which is have Ennis and only Ennis, for the rest of his life.

Date: 2011-05-08 05:51 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] eandj.livejournal.com
It's so hardbreaking to think about this Jack
good work 'though
Paula

Date: 2011-05-08 07:39 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sjmarv.livejournal.com
As others have said, this is sad, but beautifully written. You are so talented at taking the pithy phrases from canon and expanding them into something that rings so true to the characters.

Susan

Date: 2011-05-09 04:12 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] mazaher.livejournal.com
"He could rationalize with the best of them."
Scarily true, and even more frightening is the consideration that, yes, it could have happened. After all that time, after all they went through, still things may not have worked out after all. Because "God had heard his prayers...had heard and ignored the hundreds, thousands of prayers he had faithfully sent up." Perhaps both of them had.

Date: 2011-05-25 02:36 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lara-pinta.livejournal.com
Sorry, just now catching up with this story properly- I like the premise very much.

Thank you
Lorna
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