All Things Considered, 21
Mar. 18th, 2012 12:54 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
morrobay1990Title: All Things Considered, Chapter 21
Author:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
morrobay1990
Genre: Ennis, moving on?
Word count: 1500
Disclaimer: They are AP's
♥ Jack
Previously, on All Things Considered...
An idea had started forming in Travis's mind, ever since Ennis had said he wanted to try again. A crazy idea, but then, what's crazy anyway?
They had finally agreed to go to Mendocino because Travis loved the ocean, and Ennis had never seen it.
Ennis, lying on the bed with his forearm over his closed eyes, said, “Don't think I'll fly again after we get back. Place is nice enough.”
Typical.
Chapter 21
Friday
Sitting outside the room looking at the ocean, Ennis finally decided that it was a pretty thing to see.
They were trying to relax after the long day of driving, beer and whiskey on the table, a plate piled with food from the room service cart. Ennis didn't want to take a chance that Travis would start asking him questions – that was the reason they were here, after all – so he struck first.
“How did you meet your wife? Was she from around here?” meaning Riverton, of course.
Travis hesitated, then said, “I met her in LA, she was a design engineer...she was brilliant, loved the job...we used to kid about which of us had worked the most hours in a week...I think the record was 84, set by Jules, of course."
He sipped at his beer and looked out at the ocean as his mind went back over the years.
“She used to work with this guy, can't remember his name now, funniest person I ever met...Jules was always coming home and telling me all these damn jokes she heard...thing is, she couldn't tell a joke to save her life...she always forgot the punchline...”
Ennis was starting to wish he hadn’t brought it up so soon…Travis’s voice had started to change, get quieter.
“Then she'd try to fake it, but she was awful at it...she could make me laugh just by not knowing how to tell a joke...I remember the first time I met her, she tried to make a joke out of something, but nobody laughed...she looked like she was going to start crying so I said something stupid – I think I started telling the one about a priest and a rabbi – and it made her laugh...and she just grabbed my hand and squeezed it real fast then dropped it...I asked her out later that day.”
"You never wanted kids?"
Travis sighed heavily, "We thought we'd have time. She loved kids, but we kept saying..later, later..pretty soon later was here...then she got sick."
"What happened? I mean, how'd she know she was sick, in the beginning?"
"She was feeling run-down, but at first we just thought she was doing too much, not getting enough sleep...working too many hours...then she got a cold, wouldn't get better...got an ear infection...when she woke up with bruises on her back she went to the doctor, who sent her to a specialist who did the blood tests...and it showed up, of course...too many white blood cells...not enough platelets, those are the cells that stop bleeding in your body, or slow it down anyway...we both got pretty good with the medical terminology..."
"Shit. Musta been hard when the docs told you that.”
"You have no idea...”
Travis stopped talking, going back in time to that dingy little green room the nurse had shown them to...three doctors and an unidentified person...later he would know the doctors by name, even know things about their families – wives, kid’s names - ...then quickly they gave the diagnosis ...and the warning "you know it's fatal"...he remembered how they'd danced around the answer to Jules's first question "How long?"...how they said a social worker was available to them immediately, if they wanted to talk...that was the other person in the room...
"She was so quiet on the way home...I didn't know what to do or say...I was just going to let her call the shots...whatever she wanted...she only cried one time that I saw, right after we got home."
He looked over at Ennis, eyes misted over with grief and memories. "It was bad...and I couldn't do anything about it."
"After that one time, she made up her mind she was going to fight it as hard as she could...she said if she lost the fight it wouldn't be for lack of trying...and she tried...she read everything she could find, even medical books...I can still see her sitting at the dining room table with books spread out and a notebook, she always had a notebook...”
He frowned, trying to remember, “I think I still have them somewhere...She made lists of questions to ask the doctors, kept track of her symptoms..."
Then he smiled, "Sometimes when one of her doctors would see her walking down the corridor towards them at the hospital, they'd duck in a room pretending to hide from her...of course, being Jules she just followed them right in, then she'd give ‘em hell, 'You damn doctors, hiding from a sick woman, should be ashamed of yourselves...OK I have a question about the dosage for the Cytoxan...'”
His voice was low, tinged with sadness but also respect for his brave wife. “She was something..."
Ennis stood, uncomfortable at hearing such intimate details of an obviously loving relationship, intimate details of such a loss.
He walked over to the railing and stood looking at the ocean, then, a revelation...he moved back to Travis pulled him to his feet and put his hand on his face, said, "Travis. I'm sorry...really sorry..."
He wanted to say more, was humiliated when his eyes welled up, and turned to move away then, but Travis silently asked that he stay, needing to feel Ennis warm in his arms for a moment, then released him.
”How did you get through it?”
Ennis couldn't understand how the death of his wife didn't bring Travis to his knees...didn't understand at all how he could get through life, go on as though nothing had happened. He made the mistake of voicing his last thought out loud.
But Travis knew Ennis, knew what he meant, and wasn't angry.
He felt sorry for Ennis...not in a pitying kind of way. He felt sorry that Ennis had gone through his life after Jack with so much pain and no one to help him get over it...no one to show him how to grieve, how to remember, how to heal.
“I missed her. I got mad, I took time off work, I talked to my parents about her, talked to my friends. I had to face it. About a month after the funeral I invited all our family and our best friends over for a sort of memorial. Everybody who loved her was there. It was kind of sad at first, nobody knew what to do. But then her brother held up his glass and made a toast – shit, what did he say? - Something like, “Here's to Jules, I hope she doesn't cheat when she plays Scrabble with the other angels.” Jules was a lousy speller. That broke the ice, pretty soon everybody was telling stories, things they knew and loved about her...”
Ennis still didn't understand.
“But how can you smile when you talk about her? She's gone. You'll never see her again. How can you smile?”
Travis tried to explain it to him, “I can smile because of what we had, because of the kind of person she was...because she would take notes and ask the doctors questions...because she cheated at Scrabble and couldn’t tell a joke...I can smile because of her, of who she was, and because I was lucky enough to be in her life.”
Travis sat back down in his chair and filled his glass with beer. “That's what I wish you could see about Jack. You have to look at it and face it. Then you can remember. You don't have to forget, you shouldn’t forget…you can’t ever forget.”
He knew he was going into uncharted territory here, he had no idea how Ennis would react to what he was about to say, knew he had never heard the words spoken out loud before, but Travis knew he had to hear them.
“Ennis, you loved him. And he's gone.”
Ennis said nothing, but stared out at the Pacific long after Travis had gone inside.
Ennis's thoughts were all twisted up. He wanted to be able to do what Travis said, it made sense...face it head on...face it and be able to live with it...sounded so easy.
Face it – he loved Jack, Jack's gone – not so easy, but nothing since Jack died had been easy.
He still had questions...how can saying something out loud make it better all of a sudden? He needed Travis to show him, help him do this.
He opened the door and went inside, saw Travis stretched out on a sofa, reading. Travis looked up and took off his glasses, asked Ennis if he was ok.
“Guess I'm kinda tired,” he sat down heavily on a chair, as though he didn't have the strength to continue standing.
Travis said, “It's been a long damn day, let’s go to bed...we've got plenty of time to talk.”
He knew it was going to take a lot out of Ennis – examining his heart would be difficult, but not nearly as bad as living with a broken one.
It was difficult. Ennis woke in the night after dreaming of Jack...remembering only Jack's laugh ringing clear and loud as it bounced off the mountain in a faded echo.
How was he supposed to do this?
“You still dream about your wife?” he asked quietly, not even knowing if Travis was awake.
“If I'm lucky.”
Author:
morrobay1990Genre: Ennis, moving on?
Word count: 1500
Disclaimer: They are AP's
♥ Jack
Previously, on All Things Considered...
An idea had started forming in Travis's mind, ever since Ennis had said he wanted to try again. A crazy idea, but then, what's crazy anyway?
They had finally agreed to go to Mendocino because Travis loved the ocean, and Ennis had never seen it.
Ennis, lying on the bed with his forearm over his closed eyes, said, “Don't think I'll fly again after we get back. Place is nice enough.”
Typical.
Chapter 21
Friday
Sitting outside the room looking at the ocean, Ennis finally decided that it was a pretty thing to see.
They were trying to relax after the long day of driving, beer and whiskey on the table, a plate piled with food from the room service cart. Ennis didn't want to take a chance that Travis would start asking him questions – that was the reason they were here, after all – so he struck first.
“How did you meet your wife? Was she from around here?” meaning Riverton, of course.
Travis hesitated, then said, “I met her in LA, she was a design engineer...she was brilliant, loved the job...we used to kid about which of us had worked the most hours in a week...I think the record was 84, set by Jules, of course."
He sipped at his beer and looked out at the ocean as his mind went back over the years.
“She used to work with this guy, can't remember his name now, funniest person I ever met...Jules was always coming home and telling me all these damn jokes she heard...thing is, she couldn't tell a joke to save her life...she always forgot the punchline...”
Ennis was starting to wish he hadn’t brought it up so soon…Travis’s voice had started to change, get quieter.
“Then she'd try to fake it, but she was awful at it...she could make me laugh just by not knowing how to tell a joke...I remember the first time I met her, she tried to make a joke out of something, but nobody laughed...she looked like she was going to start crying so I said something stupid – I think I started telling the one about a priest and a rabbi – and it made her laugh...and she just grabbed my hand and squeezed it real fast then dropped it...I asked her out later that day.”
"You never wanted kids?"
Travis sighed heavily, "We thought we'd have time. She loved kids, but we kept saying..later, later..pretty soon later was here...then she got sick."
"What happened? I mean, how'd she know she was sick, in the beginning?"
"She was feeling run-down, but at first we just thought she was doing too much, not getting enough sleep...working too many hours...then she got a cold, wouldn't get better...got an ear infection...when she woke up with bruises on her back she went to the doctor, who sent her to a specialist who did the blood tests...and it showed up, of course...too many white blood cells...not enough platelets, those are the cells that stop bleeding in your body, or slow it down anyway...we both got pretty good with the medical terminology..."
"Shit. Musta been hard when the docs told you that.”
"You have no idea...”
Travis stopped talking, going back in time to that dingy little green room the nurse had shown them to...three doctors and an unidentified person...later he would know the doctors by name, even know things about their families – wives, kid’s names - ...then quickly they gave the diagnosis ...and the warning "you know it's fatal"...he remembered how they'd danced around the answer to Jules's first question "How long?"...how they said a social worker was available to them immediately, if they wanted to talk...that was the other person in the room...
"She was so quiet on the way home...I didn't know what to do or say...I was just going to let her call the shots...whatever she wanted...she only cried one time that I saw, right after we got home."
He looked over at Ennis, eyes misted over with grief and memories. "It was bad...and I couldn't do anything about it."
"After that one time, she made up her mind she was going to fight it as hard as she could...she said if she lost the fight it wouldn't be for lack of trying...and she tried...she read everything she could find, even medical books...I can still see her sitting at the dining room table with books spread out and a notebook, she always had a notebook...”
He frowned, trying to remember, “I think I still have them somewhere...She made lists of questions to ask the doctors, kept track of her symptoms..."
Then he smiled, "Sometimes when one of her doctors would see her walking down the corridor towards them at the hospital, they'd duck in a room pretending to hide from her...of course, being Jules she just followed them right in, then she'd give ‘em hell, 'You damn doctors, hiding from a sick woman, should be ashamed of yourselves...OK I have a question about the dosage for the Cytoxan...'”
His voice was low, tinged with sadness but also respect for his brave wife. “She was something..."
Ennis stood, uncomfortable at hearing such intimate details of an obviously loving relationship, intimate details of such a loss.
He walked over to the railing and stood looking at the ocean, then, a revelation...he moved back to Travis pulled him to his feet and put his hand on his face, said, "Travis. I'm sorry...really sorry..."
He wanted to say more, was humiliated when his eyes welled up, and turned to move away then, but Travis silently asked that he stay, needing to feel Ennis warm in his arms for a moment, then released him.
”How did you get through it?”
Ennis couldn't understand how the death of his wife didn't bring Travis to his knees...didn't understand at all how he could get through life, go on as though nothing had happened. He made the mistake of voicing his last thought out loud.
But Travis knew Ennis, knew what he meant, and wasn't angry.
He felt sorry for Ennis...not in a pitying kind of way. He felt sorry that Ennis had gone through his life after Jack with so much pain and no one to help him get over it...no one to show him how to grieve, how to remember, how to heal.
“I missed her. I got mad, I took time off work, I talked to my parents about her, talked to my friends. I had to face it. About a month after the funeral I invited all our family and our best friends over for a sort of memorial. Everybody who loved her was there. It was kind of sad at first, nobody knew what to do. But then her brother held up his glass and made a toast – shit, what did he say? - Something like, “Here's to Jules, I hope she doesn't cheat when she plays Scrabble with the other angels.” Jules was a lousy speller. That broke the ice, pretty soon everybody was telling stories, things they knew and loved about her...”
Ennis still didn't understand.
“But how can you smile when you talk about her? She's gone. You'll never see her again. How can you smile?”
Travis tried to explain it to him, “I can smile because of what we had, because of the kind of person she was...because she would take notes and ask the doctors questions...because she cheated at Scrabble and couldn’t tell a joke...I can smile because of her, of who she was, and because I was lucky enough to be in her life.”
Travis sat back down in his chair and filled his glass with beer. “That's what I wish you could see about Jack. You have to look at it and face it. Then you can remember. You don't have to forget, you shouldn’t forget…you can’t ever forget.”
He knew he was going into uncharted territory here, he had no idea how Ennis would react to what he was about to say, knew he had never heard the words spoken out loud before, but Travis knew he had to hear them.
“Ennis, you loved him. And he's gone.”
Ennis said nothing, but stared out at the Pacific long after Travis had gone inside.
Ennis's thoughts were all twisted up. He wanted to be able to do what Travis said, it made sense...face it head on...face it and be able to live with it...sounded so easy.
Face it – he loved Jack, Jack's gone – not so easy, but nothing since Jack died had been easy.
He still had questions...how can saying something out loud make it better all of a sudden? He needed Travis to show him, help him do this.
He opened the door and went inside, saw Travis stretched out on a sofa, reading. Travis looked up and took off his glasses, asked Ennis if he was ok.
“Guess I'm kinda tired,” he sat down heavily on a chair, as though he didn't have the strength to continue standing.
Travis said, “It's been a long damn day, let’s go to bed...we've got plenty of time to talk.”
He knew it was going to take a lot out of Ennis – examining his heart would be difficult, but not nearly as bad as living with a broken one.
It was difficult. Ennis woke in the night after dreaming of Jack...remembering only Jack's laugh ringing clear and loud as it bounced off the mountain in a faded echo.
How was he supposed to do this?
“You still dream about your wife?” he asked quietly, not even knowing if Travis was awake.
“If I'm lucky.”
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
dreams
Date: 2012-03-19 02:12 am (UTC)Re: dreams
Date: 2012-03-19 04:11 pm (UTC)thanks so much for reading, Joe
no subject
Date: 2012-03-19 02:26 am (UTC)Hell, if Ennis doesn't want him, I sure do! LOL!
no subject
Date: 2012-03-19 04:12 pm (UTC)Yeah, Travis is a keeper...if only Ennis knew that.
thanks for reading and for your comments, always appreciated.
no subject
Date: 2012-03-19 01:21 pm (UTC)travis will be able to help ennis, even if it's not easy at all.
thank you. again.
no subject
Date: 2012-03-19 04:13 pm (UTC)