All Things Considered, 23
Mar. 19th, 2012 03:00 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
morrobay1990Title: All Things Considered, Chapter 23
Author:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
morrobay1990
Genre: Ennis, moving on?
Word count: 1300
Disclaimer: They are AP's
♥ Jack
Previously, on All Things Considered...
Travis was only human. He loved Ennis; and while he thought he was prepared to spend the next week listening to him talk about his love for another man, and helping him recover from his loss, he wanted Ennis to know that he was here, alive, flesh and blood...
Ennis stopped him as he went by and pulled him in for a kiss. “I’m pretty hungry myself...not for room service, though.”
Travis couldn't remember seeing Ennis like this before, relaxed, almost playful.
Maybe getting him out of Wyoming was the best idea he'd ever had.
Chapter 23
Sunday
“Hey, you awake?”
“Yeah.”
“You hear that?”
“Yeah.”
“It's raining.”
“No shit.”
Neither one of them liked to be touched while they slept - that is, not the cuddly-curl-up-next-to-you-so-you-can't-move kind of touching. Travis slept on his stomach, one leg bent, one arm out to the side, taking up the space of two people. Ennis started sleeping on his side, then turned to his stomach, then to his back, then to his side again. So when they woke, they were on opposite sides of the king sized bed.
Travis rolled over and stretched. “What time is it? It's pitch black in here.”
“Early. I'm gettin' up.”
Ennis sat on the edge of the bed, yawned, looked at the nightstand clock. “Not six yet. Go back to sleep if you want. From the sounds of that rain, we won't be doin' much today.”
He left the bed just as Travis was reaching out for him, his hand touched only air - but a second later Ennis leaned over the bed, his hand found Travis in the dark, he rubbed his back and said, “Yesterday was good.” Then Travis heard the bathroom door close, the shower running.
It had been a good day. Ennis was relaxed, having fun, making jokes, making love. But they hadn't done any talking yet, not about Jack, and Travis was starting to wish they didn't have to. He closed his eyes and pictured the rest of the week - in a perfect world it would be six more days exactly like yesterday. The room, his thoughts, receded, as he drifted back to sleep.
Suddenly he felt the covers being pulled back, felt cold air on his legs, then the sound of the drapes screeching as they were dragged across the metal rod, and his lover's voice, “You gonna sleep all day?” reminding him of nothing more than a little kid who had no one to play with.
He started to get mad at the rude awakening but when he opened his eyes he saw Ennis sitting on the sofa, two mugs of coffee in from of him.
“One of those for me?”
“If you get your ass over here and get it.”
“I thought you said I could sleep some more.”
“You did, it's goin' on half-past seven.”
Travis reached for his sweats and pulled them on, shivering, then he sat on the sofa opposite Ennis and picked up the mug, warming his hands on it.
Ennis said, “So what is there to do in Mendocino California when it's raining?”
Travis fought the urge to say, make love until it stops.
“Let me grab a shower then we'll get some breakfast, and we can ask at the front desk. They have to keep people entertained, so they've got to have something for rainy days.”
It turns out there really isn't much to do in Mendocino when it rains, especially in off-season. A few small museums dedicated to local history and art, Point Cabrillo Lighthouse, typical shops and restaurants. Not too far down Route 1 were some vineyards with tasting rooms that Travis thought might be a good way to kill a few hours, but Ennis had no interest. The lodge had chess and backgammon sets in the lobby, a modest library, and a small selection of video tapes that could be viewed in the rooms.
They picked two movies, The Shawshank Redemption and Goodfellas, and decided to spend the day in the room. The weather forecast showed the storm moving off the coast and further inland later in the day; they might be able to get in a short ride after it passed.
Somehow the mood was different when they got back to the room.
Ennis walked up behind Travis and put his hand on his shoulders, kissed his neck...but Travis, preoccupied with the thought of having to talk about Jack (and what that would mean and where it could lead), responded absently, didn't return the caress and moved away.
Ennis reacted immediately, "I'm not much for sittin' around, think I'll go down to the stable, see what they got."
He anticipated Travis trying to discourage him from leaving, from going out in the storm, but he said only, "Take the truck."
Ennis wasn't mad, just confused, as he picked up the keys and shut the door behind him to drive the half mile to the barn.
As soon as he got near enough, the smells of horses, alfalfa and leather reached him, that combination of odors always comforting to him. Suddenly he realized the muscles in his neck, shoulders and back were tight...he took a deep breath and relaxed in the familiar surroundings.
There was no one there, so he walked down the center aisle, horses coming to their stall doors, inquisitive, and he stopped at the first one, rubbing the horse’s neck and talking softly to it. He took another deep breath - Jesus, he hadn't realized he'd been so tense - and thought back over the past two days.
He was putting effort into it, no doubt. He had been nervous about flying, nervous about being in a strange place, having to face so many new things in so short a time. And being alone with Travis (or anyone) for a week...he thought he was doing ok, then when Travis had moved away from him just now...well, maybe Travis was nervous, too.
And then there was "the talk" they were supposed to have. About Jack. Travis's story of his wife, her illness, had almost done Ennis in, the details of their struggle together so intimate, so raw. Nothing Ennis had ever heard before. He wasn't at all sure he would be able to put his story, his and Jack's story, into words. It had been hard enough that time at Travis’s house, and he hadn’t even said much…didn’t know if he’d be able to dig down too far and bring those things into the light.
But that's what this trip was all about, right? To get everything...Jack, Ennis's past...out in the open.
Maybe it would be too much for Travis...maybe he'd decide it wasn't worth it...then what? Ennis would have exposed even more than he had so far, opened himself up to show feelings he could abide as long as they were his feelings...but once let loose...that would create an additional burden for Ennis
to carry...knowing that someone else knew...they wouldn't be his any more, but shared...and if Travis didn't stay...it's what he always worried about...why he didn't want to let himself get too close...but it was too late for that. He was already too close.
What if?
Ennis was a great worrier of things to come.
He walked across the aisle as another horse whinnied and shook it's head towards him. He opened the stall door and went in to stand next to the warm, familiar comfort of the animal, his hands moving across it's neck and back. He saw an old brush on the ledge near the stall door, picked it up and started grooming the horse, the effect one of calm for man and horse.
He lost track of the time as he worked his way around the horse, brushing, talking softly, thinking...when he finally left the barn to drive back to the room he felt calmer than he had since he'd left home.
Ennis was quiet as he unlocked the door and entered the room.
Travis had fallen asleep on the bed on his side, an open book next to him. Ennis set the keys down and walked over to him looking down, thinking, Jesus, Travis, I couldn't go through it again.
He walked to the other side of the bed and slid over behind him, his left arm going around Travis's waist, pulling him close as Travis stirred, and made a contented sound.
Ennis closed his eyes, his voice low, “Are you sure? I gotta know you're sure.”
Without hesitation, only half-awake, Travis said, “I'm sure.”
In a strange room, a strange bed, he fell asleep, arm over Travis, even though they both hated to sleep like that.
Author:
morrobay1990Genre: Ennis, moving on?
Word count: 1300
Disclaimer: They are AP's
♥ Jack
Previously, on All Things Considered...
Travis was only human. He loved Ennis; and while he thought he was prepared to spend the next week listening to him talk about his love for another man, and helping him recover from his loss, he wanted Ennis to know that he was here, alive, flesh and blood...
Ennis stopped him as he went by and pulled him in for a kiss. “I’m pretty hungry myself...not for room service, though.”
Travis couldn't remember seeing Ennis like this before, relaxed, almost playful.
Maybe getting him out of Wyoming was the best idea he'd ever had.
Chapter 23
Sunday
“Hey, you awake?”
“Yeah.”
“You hear that?”
“Yeah.”
“It's raining.”
“No shit.”
Neither one of them liked to be touched while they slept - that is, not the cuddly-curl-up-next-to-you-so-you-can't-move kind of touching. Travis slept on his stomach, one leg bent, one arm out to the side, taking up the space of two people. Ennis started sleeping on his side, then turned to his stomach, then to his back, then to his side again. So when they woke, they were on opposite sides of the king sized bed.
Travis rolled over and stretched. “What time is it? It's pitch black in here.”
“Early. I'm gettin' up.”
Ennis sat on the edge of the bed, yawned, looked at the nightstand clock. “Not six yet. Go back to sleep if you want. From the sounds of that rain, we won't be doin' much today.”
He left the bed just as Travis was reaching out for him, his hand touched only air - but a second later Ennis leaned over the bed, his hand found Travis in the dark, he rubbed his back and said, “Yesterday was good.” Then Travis heard the bathroom door close, the shower running.
It had been a good day. Ennis was relaxed, having fun, making jokes, making love. But they hadn't done any talking yet, not about Jack, and Travis was starting to wish they didn't have to. He closed his eyes and pictured the rest of the week - in a perfect world it would be six more days exactly like yesterday. The room, his thoughts, receded, as he drifted back to sleep.
Suddenly he felt the covers being pulled back, felt cold air on his legs, then the sound of the drapes screeching as they were dragged across the metal rod, and his lover's voice, “You gonna sleep all day?” reminding him of nothing more than a little kid who had no one to play with.
He started to get mad at the rude awakening but when he opened his eyes he saw Ennis sitting on the sofa, two mugs of coffee in from of him.
“One of those for me?”
“If you get your ass over here and get it.”
“I thought you said I could sleep some more.”
“You did, it's goin' on half-past seven.”
Travis reached for his sweats and pulled them on, shivering, then he sat on the sofa opposite Ennis and picked up the mug, warming his hands on it.
Ennis said, “So what is there to do in Mendocino California when it's raining?”
Travis fought the urge to say, make love until it stops.
“Let me grab a shower then we'll get some breakfast, and we can ask at the front desk. They have to keep people entertained, so they've got to have something for rainy days.”
It turns out there really isn't much to do in Mendocino when it rains, especially in off-season. A few small museums dedicated to local history and art, Point Cabrillo Lighthouse, typical shops and restaurants. Not too far down Route 1 were some vineyards with tasting rooms that Travis thought might be a good way to kill a few hours, but Ennis had no interest. The lodge had chess and backgammon sets in the lobby, a modest library, and a small selection of video tapes that could be viewed in the rooms.
They picked two movies, The Shawshank Redemption and Goodfellas, and decided to spend the day in the room. The weather forecast showed the storm moving off the coast and further inland later in the day; they might be able to get in a short ride after it passed.
Somehow the mood was different when they got back to the room.
Ennis walked up behind Travis and put his hand on his shoulders, kissed his neck...but Travis, preoccupied with the thought of having to talk about Jack (and what that would mean and where it could lead), responded absently, didn't return the caress and moved away.
Ennis reacted immediately, "I'm not much for sittin' around, think I'll go down to the stable, see what they got."
He anticipated Travis trying to discourage him from leaving, from going out in the storm, but he said only, "Take the truck."
Ennis wasn't mad, just confused, as he picked up the keys and shut the door behind him to drive the half mile to the barn.
As soon as he got near enough, the smells of horses, alfalfa and leather reached him, that combination of odors always comforting to him. Suddenly he realized the muscles in his neck, shoulders and back were tight...he took a deep breath and relaxed in the familiar surroundings.
There was no one there, so he walked down the center aisle, horses coming to their stall doors, inquisitive, and he stopped at the first one, rubbing the horse’s neck and talking softly to it. He took another deep breath - Jesus, he hadn't realized he'd been so tense - and thought back over the past two days.
He was putting effort into it, no doubt. He had been nervous about flying, nervous about being in a strange place, having to face so many new things in so short a time. And being alone with Travis (or anyone) for a week...he thought he was doing ok, then when Travis had moved away from him just now...well, maybe Travis was nervous, too.
And then there was "the talk" they were supposed to have. About Jack. Travis's story of his wife, her illness, had almost done Ennis in, the details of their struggle together so intimate, so raw. Nothing Ennis had ever heard before. He wasn't at all sure he would be able to put his story, his and Jack's story, into words. It had been hard enough that time at Travis’s house, and he hadn’t even said much…didn’t know if he’d be able to dig down too far and bring those things into the light.
But that's what this trip was all about, right? To get everything...Jack, Ennis's past...out in the open.
Maybe it would be too much for Travis...maybe he'd decide it wasn't worth it...then what? Ennis would have exposed even more than he had so far, opened himself up to show feelings he could abide as long as they were his feelings...but once let loose...that would create an additional burden for Ennis
to carry...knowing that someone else knew...they wouldn't be his any more, but shared...and if Travis didn't stay...it's what he always worried about...why he didn't want to let himself get too close...but it was too late for that. He was already too close.
What if?
Ennis was a great worrier of things to come.
He walked across the aisle as another horse whinnied and shook it's head towards him. He opened the stall door and went in to stand next to the warm, familiar comfort of the animal, his hands moving across it's neck and back. He saw an old brush on the ledge near the stall door, picked it up and started grooming the horse, the effect one of calm for man and horse.
He lost track of the time as he worked his way around the horse, brushing, talking softly, thinking...when he finally left the barn to drive back to the room he felt calmer than he had since he'd left home.
Ennis was quiet as he unlocked the door and entered the room.
Travis had fallen asleep on the bed on his side, an open book next to him. Ennis set the keys down and walked over to him looking down, thinking, Jesus, Travis, I couldn't go through it again.
He walked to the other side of the bed and slid over behind him, his left arm going around Travis's waist, pulling him close as Travis stirred, and made a contented sound.
Ennis closed his eyes, his voice low, “Are you sure? I gotta know you're sure.”
Without hesitation, only half-awake, Travis said, “I'm sure.”
In a strange room, a strange bed, he fell asleep, arm over Travis, even though they both hated to sleep like that.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2012-03-19 08:24 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-03-19 08:32 pm (UTC)I know most people don't like Ennis to move on, they think he shouldn't betray Jack's memory, and I understand that.
At the end of the movie, I saw his suffering, and in this story he suffers still, and is afraid to allow himself to be happy...
But his world was so small (trailer, work), I wanted to give him something else, but I still wanted to stay true to Ennis as I saw him...that's why so much back and forth, unable to make up his mind, let alone commit to something...
thanks again
no subject
Date: 2012-03-19 09:00 pm (UTC)I believe someone like Ennis will always have a hard time committing to a relationship. I like that he's trying really hard to commit to the relationship with Travis in your story. while I haven't experienced that of losing someone that I were in a romantic relationship with, I recognize how hard it is to find the courage to believe in yourself and the rest of the world. "Brokeback Mountain" helped me realize that I can choose to believe in myself. your story is one that has made me see that it's possible to believe in intimacy as well (I don't rightly trust it).
no subject
Date: 2012-03-19 09:24 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-03-19 10:51 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-03-20 06:30 pm (UTC)THANK YOU
I'm always amazed at Ennis because he's clearly changed in your story. Going with Travis on a holiday, living together in a little cabin and the people at the lodge know about it- that's a huge step for him already
Paula