morrobay1990 (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
morrobay1990) wrote2012-03-20 12:46 pm
morrobay1990) wrote2012-03-20 12:46 pm
Entry tags:
All Things Considered, 25
Title: All Things Considered, Chapter 25
Author:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
morrobay1990
Genre: Ennis, moving on?
Word count: 1400
Disclaimer: They are AP's
♥ Jack
Previously, on All Things Considered...
He put his hand on Ennis's neck and pulled him in even closer. “Don't push me away again. I'm taking a chance, too.” He kept his voice neutral, not wanting it to come across as either a threat or a plea.
This event had been life-changing for Ennis. It had changed how he reacted to the people around him, how he reacted to people who loved him...he wouldn't love after Jack...no, not wouldn't...couldn't. For Ennis, there was only Jack.
Christ, a damn movie...Had he really wasted so many years of his life...how could he not see what he had with Travis? How had he not seen until now that Travis was so like Jack? And maybe that was part of the problem.
Chapter 25
Sunday, into Monday
“What's the matter? What time is it?”
“Nothing...I don't know, late...I just wanna talk to you.”
Travis stretched and yawned, “What about?”
“You know, all this shit I'm tryin to figure out. I really wanna do this...you know...for the first time...maybe I can do it. I saw somethin' in that movie...”
“The movie? What's that got to do with it?”
Ennis smiled a little; he felt good, like he'd discovered something important. He'd just thought about Jack for the last hour, and the memories were good ones. He remembered Jack and the mountain and it hadn't made him want to grab the bottle, or drive to the horizon.
“If you could stay up later than nine o'clock maybe you'd know.”
Travis raised an eyebrow, and thought to himself that nothing made him happier than Ennis making jokes, unless it was Ennis making love.
“Well, why don’t you explain it to me, I’ll try to stay awake.”
“Just talked about hope…”
Ennis talked off and on through the rest of the night, moving from sofa to chair, getting up now and then to pace in long strides as he told Travis more about Jack and a little about his feelings for him, Travis listening and taking in as much as he could. And he interpreted, best he could, the sentences that Ennis couldn’t quite finish…Ennis's real sorrow as their time on Brokeback ended, his joy at their reunion. And Ennis had opened up, as much as he was able, about their trips to the mountains over the years, how it was the only thing he had in his life that he looked forward to.
Near dawn Ennis, exhausted, lay down on the bed and Travis joined him, content with the way things were going. Ennis had faced some tough moments. Travis now knew how hard it had been for him to leave Brokeback, thought he finally understood that, if it had been a different time, Jack and Ennis would have made a life together – Travis had never thought of that before and he figured it was probably the first time Ennis had truly faced it – he had been quiet for a long time after he brought it up, and Travis let him be.
The difference this time was that Ennis didn’t shut down. He hesitated, he started and stopped occasionally, but he kept going, even through the tough parts, something which touched Travis’s heart because he could see how hard this was for Ennis, and at the same time gave him so much hope. Travis knew that the word 'catharsis' would mean nothing to Ennis; Travis had, in fact, looked the word up after Jules had died, just to get the literal definition: an emotional purging. That’s exactly what Ennis was in the midst of…he still had a long way to go, but Travis was elated at the start he had made.
They fell asleep on top of the bed, still dressed, woke late and went for breakfast.
When they returned, both were too tired to ride and had no interest in driving anywhere. The day was clear, the view of the Pacific glorious, so they sat on the patio talking.
“You’re going to get sick of this place. Sure you don’t mind staying here today?”
Ennis looked around, taking in a magnificent view that he’d never seen before Friday, “Don't think I could get sick of this...and I sure didn’t think I'd like it. Peaceful. Damn ocean goes on forever. Reminds me of Brokeback, tell you the truth.” He hesitated. “Like nothin’ bad can happen long as you stay here.”
Travis sighed, thinking how uncharacteristic some of Ennis's comments could be, and committed that one to memory. He was starting to think that maybe this was his Brokeback.
Then he said, “We’ve got a few more days. We’ve still got to go down to the beach.”
Before he thought, Ennis said, “Too cold to go swimmin’, right?” and thought at once of him and Jack jumping off the cliff into the frigid river after four years of being apart; making love by the river that night, and then later…when he had shut down Jack’s idea of them living together. He sighed heavily, a wave of sadness rolled over him. He let it come, but did not collapse under its weight.
Travis heard the question, heard the sigh, knew it had triggered something…let it go. He didn't need to know everything.
They fell silent.
Early afternoon they decided to have the horses brought around, thought they’d try riding the beach, since the day was so good. They got directions to the trail that would take them down the hillside and they walked the horses along the shoreline, stopping to watch the waves break.
Ennis was surprised at his own reaction to the mystique of the ocean as he sat astride his horse studying the waves: how far out they started, how smoothly they rolled in, where they broke on the shore, the sound of them. He walked his horse out into the water until she was belly-deep, and as he watched, he fell under the spell of the Pacific, the sheer enormity...and the waves...the mysterious, unearthly pull of the tide...
They had been gone a few hours, decided to eat out, but they didn't stay long, neither wanting to be around anyone but each other, and made their way back to the room. Travis unlocked the door and Ennis followed him in, and said, “Turn on that damn fire, I'm startin' to like it.”
Travis laughed, “I knew you would once you got used to it.”
He walked over to push the button. Ennis took off his jacket and went to stand behind him, rested his hands on Travis's shoulders, put his head down and kissed his neck, said softly, “Gettin' used to you, too.” Travis turned in his arms, storing up memories of his own.
Ennis was in bed when Travis came out of the bathroom after his shower. As he pulled back the covers and lay down, Ennis pulled him into his arms and they lay together, firelight casting flickering shadows, Ennis murmuring promises that made Travis hesitate, just a little.
They were so close, and his voice was just above a whisper, “Ennis, we have to take it slow…I have to know…I mean, this time…I can’t go through it again – you leaving because of your past.” He didn’t want to say Jack’s name, thereby inviting him into their bed again. “I just want to make sure…be sure you can do it before you make any promises.”
But Ennis pulled him back in, his arm tightened around him.
“I know…I never meant…but it’s different this time.” He stopped and tried to get his thoughts together. “It was all I had…it felt like the past was all I had…all I’d ever have…” He opened his eyes, grateful for the dark, but pulled back to touch Travis’s face, look in his eyes. “It’s different because of you. I know that.” Travis would never know how hard it was for him to do things like this.
And Travis wanted to go along with it all but he was having a hard time hearing things that might be said in a moment of weakness...it had happened before.
But Ennis went on, “Up until yesterday I didn't think I could ever...would ever...y'know...feel anything like that again. It's different. But it's good.”
“Is it love?” Travis hadn't meant to pin him down like that, it just slipped out, and now he had to know Ennis's answer to that.
Ennis's eyes closed at the directness of the question, the use of the word, and his answer was slow in coming. “I don't even know what that means.”
As opinionated as Travis was, he started to tell him but Ennis kissed him, “You want me to talk more, you better learn to keep quiet some.”
The previous night Ennis had spent talking about Jack, their past together, he’d talked about their love for each other, even though he had never said the word.
This night was almost the exact opposite as Ennis held him close and said words that no one else would ever hear, words that were only for Travis.
Author:
morrobay1990Genre: Ennis, moving on?
Word count: 1400
Disclaimer: They are AP's
♥ Jack
Previously, on All Things Considered...
He put his hand on Ennis's neck and pulled him in even closer. “Don't push me away again. I'm taking a chance, too.” He kept his voice neutral, not wanting it to come across as either a threat or a plea.
This event had been life-changing for Ennis. It had changed how he reacted to the people around him, how he reacted to people who loved him...he wouldn't love after Jack...no, not wouldn't...couldn't. For Ennis, there was only Jack.
Christ, a damn movie...Had he really wasted so many years of his life...how could he not see what he had with Travis? How had he not seen until now that Travis was so like Jack? And maybe that was part of the problem.
Chapter 25
Sunday, into Monday
“What's the matter? What time is it?”
“Nothing...I don't know, late...I just wanna talk to you.”
Travis stretched and yawned, “What about?”
“You know, all this shit I'm tryin to figure out. I really wanna do this...you know...for the first time...maybe I can do it. I saw somethin' in that movie...”
“The movie? What's that got to do with it?”
Ennis smiled a little; he felt good, like he'd discovered something important. He'd just thought about Jack for the last hour, and the memories were good ones. He remembered Jack and the mountain and it hadn't made him want to grab the bottle, or drive to the horizon.
“If you could stay up later than nine o'clock maybe you'd know.”
Travis raised an eyebrow, and thought to himself that nothing made him happier than Ennis making jokes, unless it was Ennis making love.
“Well, why don’t you explain it to me, I’ll try to stay awake.”
“Just talked about hope…”
Ennis talked off and on through the rest of the night, moving from sofa to chair, getting up now and then to pace in long strides as he told Travis more about Jack and a little about his feelings for him, Travis listening and taking in as much as he could. And he interpreted, best he could, the sentences that Ennis couldn’t quite finish…Ennis's real sorrow as their time on Brokeback ended, his joy at their reunion. And Ennis had opened up, as much as he was able, about their trips to the mountains over the years, how it was the only thing he had in his life that he looked forward to.
Near dawn Ennis, exhausted, lay down on the bed and Travis joined him, content with the way things were going. Ennis had faced some tough moments. Travis now knew how hard it had been for him to leave Brokeback, thought he finally understood that, if it had been a different time, Jack and Ennis would have made a life together – Travis had never thought of that before and he figured it was probably the first time Ennis had truly faced it – he had been quiet for a long time after he brought it up, and Travis let him be.
The difference this time was that Ennis didn’t shut down. He hesitated, he started and stopped occasionally, but he kept going, even through the tough parts, something which touched Travis’s heart because he could see how hard this was for Ennis, and at the same time gave him so much hope. Travis knew that the word 'catharsis' would mean nothing to Ennis; Travis had, in fact, looked the word up after Jules had died, just to get the literal definition: an emotional purging. That’s exactly what Ennis was in the midst of…he still had a long way to go, but Travis was elated at the start he had made.
They fell asleep on top of the bed, still dressed, woke late and went for breakfast.
When they returned, both were too tired to ride and had no interest in driving anywhere. The day was clear, the view of the Pacific glorious, so they sat on the patio talking.
“You’re going to get sick of this place. Sure you don’t mind staying here today?”
Ennis looked around, taking in a magnificent view that he’d never seen before Friday, “Don't think I could get sick of this...and I sure didn’t think I'd like it. Peaceful. Damn ocean goes on forever. Reminds me of Brokeback, tell you the truth.” He hesitated. “Like nothin’ bad can happen long as you stay here.”
Travis sighed, thinking how uncharacteristic some of Ennis's comments could be, and committed that one to memory. He was starting to think that maybe this was his Brokeback.
Then he said, “We’ve got a few more days. We’ve still got to go down to the beach.”
Before he thought, Ennis said, “Too cold to go swimmin’, right?” and thought at once of him and Jack jumping off the cliff into the frigid river after four years of being apart; making love by the river that night, and then later…when he had shut down Jack’s idea of them living together. He sighed heavily, a wave of sadness rolled over him. He let it come, but did not collapse under its weight.
Travis heard the question, heard the sigh, knew it had triggered something…let it go. He didn't need to know everything.
They fell silent.
Early afternoon they decided to have the horses brought around, thought they’d try riding the beach, since the day was so good. They got directions to the trail that would take them down the hillside and they walked the horses along the shoreline, stopping to watch the waves break.
Ennis was surprised at his own reaction to the mystique of the ocean as he sat astride his horse studying the waves: how far out they started, how smoothly they rolled in, where they broke on the shore, the sound of them. He walked his horse out into the water until she was belly-deep, and as he watched, he fell under the spell of the Pacific, the sheer enormity...and the waves...the mysterious, unearthly pull of the tide...
They had been gone a few hours, decided to eat out, but they didn't stay long, neither wanting to be around anyone but each other, and made their way back to the room. Travis unlocked the door and Ennis followed him in, and said, “Turn on that damn fire, I'm startin' to like it.”
Travis laughed, “I knew you would once you got used to it.”
He walked over to push the button. Ennis took off his jacket and went to stand behind him, rested his hands on Travis's shoulders, put his head down and kissed his neck, said softly, “Gettin' used to you, too.” Travis turned in his arms, storing up memories of his own.
Ennis was in bed when Travis came out of the bathroom after his shower. As he pulled back the covers and lay down, Ennis pulled him into his arms and they lay together, firelight casting flickering shadows, Ennis murmuring promises that made Travis hesitate, just a little.
They were so close, and his voice was just above a whisper, “Ennis, we have to take it slow…I have to know…I mean, this time…I can’t go through it again – you leaving because of your past.” He didn’t want to say Jack’s name, thereby inviting him into their bed again. “I just want to make sure…be sure you can do it before you make any promises.”
But Ennis pulled him back in, his arm tightened around him.
“I know…I never meant…but it’s different this time.” He stopped and tried to get his thoughts together. “It was all I had…it felt like the past was all I had…all I’d ever have…” He opened his eyes, grateful for the dark, but pulled back to touch Travis’s face, look in his eyes. “It’s different because of you. I know that.” Travis would never know how hard it was for him to do things like this.
And Travis wanted to go along with it all but he was having a hard time hearing things that might be said in a moment of weakness...it had happened before.
But Ennis went on, “Up until yesterday I didn't think I could ever...would ever...y'know...feel anything like that again. It's different. But it's good.”
“Is it love?” Travis hadn't meant to pin him down like that, it just slipped out, and now he had to know Ennis's answer to that.
Ennis's eyes closed at the directness of the question, the use of the word, and his answer was slow in coming. “I don't even know what that means.”
As opinionated as Travis was, he started to tell him but Ennis kissed him, “You want me to talk more, you better learn to keep quiet some.”
The previous night Ennis had spent talking about Jack, their past together, he’d talked about their love for each other, even though he had never said the word.
This night was almost the exact opposite as Ennis held him close and said words that no one else would ever hear, words that were only for Travis.
reflection and awakening
Re: reflection and awakening
Love is hard for people to talk about sometimes, and also to express...what speaks louder, actions or words? I suppose both are necessary, but actions go a long way in showing love.
thanks for reading and commenting...
no subject
what a hardship for ennis, with words.
thank you. again.
no subject
Thanks for reading and for your comments. Knowing that you and Joe are following is really keeping me going.
no subject