All Things Considered, 30
Mar. 24th, 2012 10:28 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
morrobay1990Title: All Things Considered, Chapter 30
Author:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
morrobay1990
Genre: Ennis, moving on
Word count: 1500
Disclaimer: They are AP's
♥ Jack
Previously, on All Things Considered...
“Almost wish we didn't have to go back.”
It was early morning...they were lying in bed, facing each other...looking, touching, kissing...flames extinguished, they lay in the warmth that remained.
“Well, I've been meaning to talk to you about something. Things are starting to fall into place so, here goes: I’ve been thinking of buying the Crazy J Ranch.”
“All I need is a foreman.” He took a drink and saw Ennis shake his head. “And a partner.”
“Well, good luck with that.”
Chapter 30
Ennis surprised himself.
He was willing to think about it and open himself up to going along with Travis's idea…when they got back home he would look at the plans Travis had for Crazy J. It sounded like Travis had two of the things necessary to make a go of it – an already profitable ranch and the money to keep it up. All he needed was someone with a lot of background in the business...and he had that person in Ennis.
Ennis knew the day-to-day goings-on of a ranch, he knew horses, he would be an asset. But he was just so used to putting up a fight when anything came up that could possibly cause a change in his life...and now he was tired of fighting everything. What he had with Travis was good, even he had to admit that.
Was he kidding himself?
Maybe. Only that morning he had woken up and felt his face wet before he'd even opened his eyes.
He didn't remember the dream that had brought on this round of grief – didn't matter – the same ones just replayed over and over, year after year.
The plane shuddered and rocked as it plowed through turbulence. He looked over at Travis, his head resting back against the seat, eyes closed, book and drink forgotten on the tray in front of him.
Ennis had hidden his feelings this week, in spite of all the talking he'd done...in spite of giving up some few private thoughts to Travis. The ones that sustained him, the thoughts that kept him going, would never be shared...they were the ones that Travis would fear, if he knew of them. They were the ones that kept Ennis rooted where he was, unable to move forward, even though he might want to.
Ennis was trying. But all the advice and healing words Travis had given him weren't working. Oh, in a way some of it had worked out; he could look back and remember times with Jack and not be pitched into blackness, but the dreams that took him by surprise, caught him off guard – that hadn't changed.
He had fought hard to overcome the feelings of sorrow he had woken up to that morning. If he was going to stay, it would have to be on Jack's terms, because Ennis had no power over it. He couldn't control his dreams...or his grief. They were all interwoven...he didn't know how to separate them...grief, dreams, real, unreal, life, past...Jack. Always Jack.
Besides being with Travis and actually enjoying himself in California, two good things had come out of the vacation: the night Travis had said those words out loud – that Ennis had loved Jack. And the night he had watched that movie, and so much of himself had been revealed.
Hearing those words “you loved him” had taken Ennis back to the time before Jack died...he remembered how he used to feel waiting for the trips, waiting to get to wherever they were going, waiting until Jack got there...and the rush of emotion he always felt the first time he saw him after being apart for so long...Jesus, how had he managed to get by only seeing him twice a year? The realization had hit him like a punch, and as he had sat and stared at the ocean, he let himself go back and see how happy Jack made him, how much he loved him. If only he knew then...
And the movie...he hadn't known a movie could say so much, could show him things about himself, could affect him like that. A prison...that's exactly what he had built up around himself all these years. And he had Travis to thank for helping him rip it down, even if it was still a demolition in progress.
He wasn't going to try to explain or fight his feelings for Jack any more. All that bullshit about talking, getting everything out in the open, wasn't fucking working. Wasn't Travis's fault...how could he have known that what had worked for him wouldn't work for Ennis.
Without saying it out loud yet, Ennis had decided to stay with Travis, make a life, share whatever came their way, go forward together. He would choose this path knowing it would come with a certain amount of necessary deception on his part...he couldn't explain it any more, didn't expect anyone else on earth to understand this thing with Jack...and he sure as hell wasn't going to push Jack's memory away.
He knew there was only one way to protect Travis from the shit that came down when his grief took over.
He wasn't going to fight it, or explain it...he was going to hide it.
Was Ennis kidding himself? Travis thought he might be.
He rested his head back against the seat and thought about it. Travis was pretty good at reading people, an expert at reading Ennis - or maybe he was just used to looking beyond Ennis's words.
He knew Ennis still thought of Jack, he felt sure Ennis would never tell him all about Jack – he didn't really blame him, in fact it was probably a mercy. And that morning after Ennis got up, when he'd reached his arm over to Ennis's side of the bed, felt the coolness of the pillow, then the small spot of dampness...he knew that Jack was still deeply loved, deeply missed.
Travis couldn't fight it any more, and he couldn't give Ennis up. Even though he'd been working on the ranch idea for months, now it was more important than ever, important that they take it on together. It would be an anchor that held them to each other.
And he wasn't going to try to force any more out out of Ennis. If there were rough times because of Jack, if there were times Ennis retreated from him...well, that's the way it would have to be...as long as, when it was over, he came back to Travis.
The week in California had been better than he had even hoped, and now he was turning his attention towards their future. He knew it was a lot to throw at Ennis all at once, so he was prepared to drop, for the moment, the topic of them living together, and he was going to back off the Jack problem. Ennis was right - as long as things were working, why go over and over it?
He was desperate to get Ennis on board with the idea of the ranch, the prospect of them working together for a common goal was more than exciting to him, especially since it was something that they both loved. So he would ease off everything but the ranch and unless something came up to blindside him, he was sure it would work out.
He wasn't going to fight it any more, he was going to accept it.
A week after they got back from California, they had a meeting at the bank to review the numbers and go over the plan with Ennis. He and Travis had already met briefly with the current owners; they had shown Ennis around the place, and he liked the looks of it, already had ideas of what he and Travis could do to make it more efficient, things he was doing at Slate River that would translate well to Crazy J.
That night they sat in Travis's living room and talked about the financing and the property, each trying to hide their enthusiasm, not wanting to jinx it by being too happy. Finally they gave up pretending and laughed like kids at Christmas, both talking at the same time, Ennis more excited than he could remember being in years.
There were still things to work out, of course, but it was a start. Within three months, Travis would sell his house and move to the ranch, and Ennis would leave his job at Slate River, but when Ennis would move there wasn't discussed.
Crazy J, Travis thought to himself. Couldn't have been Crazy A or Crazy Z, no...had to be J.
He and Ennis would be the owners of the Crazy J Ranch.
“Junior, this is Travis Shipley. Travis, my oldest daughter, Alma Jr.”
A couple weeks after signing the papers for the ranch, Ennis got up the nerve to ask Junior if Travis could come for Sunday dinner...it seemed like a good idea at the time, but now he was nervous.
“Hi, Travis, nice to meet you.” She introduced Kurt and the kids and they sat in the kitchen as she set out a pitcher of iced tea, and started peeling potatoes. “Dinner's ready in about an hour if you kids wanna go outside – if your homework is finished.”
She was shocked that her father had asked to bring someone over, shocked and happy. He had been alone since the divorce, in spite of the many times she had pushed him to go out with friends, or even, heaven forbid, go on a date.
She started the conversation that would last the whole evening innocently enough, “So Daddy, what's new?”
Author:
morrobay1990Genre: Ennis, moving on
Word count: 1500
Disclaimer: They are AP's
♥ Jack
Previously, on All Things Considered...
“Almost wish we didn't have to go back.”
It was early morning...they were lying in bed, facing each other...looking, touching, kissing...flames extinguished, they lay in the warmth that remained.
“Well, I've been meaning to talk to you about something. Things are starting to fall into place so, here goes: I’ve been thinking of buying the Crazy J Ranch.”
“All I need is a foreman.” He took a drink and saw Ennis shake his head. “And a partner.”
“Well, good luck with that.”
Chapter 30
Ennis surprised himself.
He was willing to think about it and open himself up to going along with Travis's idea…when they got back home he would look at the plans Travis had for Crazy J. It sounded like Travis had two of the things necessary to make a go of it – an already profitable ranch and the money to keep it up. All he needed was someone with a lot of background in the business...and he had that person in Ennis.
Ennis knew the day-to-day goings-on of a ranch, he knew horses, he would be an asset. But he was just so used to putting up a fight when anything came up that could possibly cause a change in his life...and now he was tired of fighting everything. What he had with Travis was good, even he had to admit that.
Was he kidding himself?
Maybe. Only that morning he had woken up and felt his face wet before he'd even opened his eyes.
He didn't remember the dream that had brought on this round of grief – didn't matter – the same ones just replayed over and over, year after year.
The plane shuddered and rocked as it plowed through turbulence. He looked over at Travis, his head resting back against the seat, eyes closed, book and drink forgotten on the tray in front of him.
Ennis had hidden his feelings this week, in spite of all the talking he'd done...in spite of giving up some few private thoughts to Travis. The ones that sustained him, the thoughts that kept him going, would never be shared...they were the ones that Travis would fear, if he knew of them. They were the ones that kept Ennis rooted where he was, unable to move forward, even though he might want to.
Ennis was trying. But all the advice and healing words Travis had given him weren't working. Oh, in a way some of it had worked out; he could look back and remember times with Jack and not be pitched into blackness, but the dreams that took him by surprise, caught him off guard – that hadn't changed.
He had fought hard to overcome the feelings of sorrow he had woken up to that morning. If he was going to stay, it would have to be on Jack's terms, because Ennis had no power over it. He couldn't control his dreams...or his grief. They were all interwoven...he didn't know how to separate them...grief, dreams, real, unreal, life, past...Jack. Always Jack.
Besides being with Travis and actually enjoying himself in California, two good things had come out of the vacation: the night Travis had said those words out loud – that Ennis had loved Jack. And the night he had watched that movie, and so much of himself had been revealed.
Hearing those words “you loved him” had taken Ennis back to the time before Jack died...he remembered how he used to feel waiting for the trips, waiting to get to wherever they were going, waiting until Jack got there...and the rush of emotion he always felt the first time he saw him after being apart for so long...Jesus, how had he managed to get by only seeing him twice a year? The realization had hit him like a punch, and as he had sat and stared at the ocean, he let himself go back and see how happy Jack made him, how much he loved him. If only he knew then...
And the movie...he hadn't known a movie could say so much, could show him things about himself, could affect him like that. A prison...that's exactly what he had built up around himself all these years. And he had Travis to thank for helping him rip it down, even if it was still a demolition in progress.
He wasn't going to try to explain or fight his feelings for Jack any more. All that bullshit about talking, getting everything out in the open, wasn't fucking working. Wasn't Travis's fault...how could he have known that what had worked for him wouldn't work for Ennis.
Without saying it out loud yet, Ennis had decided to stay with Travis, make a life, share whatever came their way, go forward together. He would choose this path knowing it would come with a certain amount of necessary deception on his part...he couldn't explain it any more, didn't expect anyone else on earth to understand this thing with Jack...and he sure as hell wasn't going to push Jack's memory away.
He knew there was only one way to protect Travis from the shit that came down when his grief took over.
He wasn't going to fight it, or explain it...he was going to hide it.
Was Ennis kidding himself? Travis thought he might be.
He rested his head back against the seat and thought about it. Travis was pretty good at reading people, an expert at reading Ennis - or maybe he was just used to looking beyond Ennis's words.
He knew Ennis still thought of Jack, he felt sure Ennis would never tell him all about Jack – he didn't really blame him, in fact it was probably a mercy. And that morning after Ennis got up, when he'd reached his arm over to Ennis's side of the bed, felt the coolness of the pillow, then the small spot of dampness...he knew that Jack was still deeply loved, deeply missed.
Travis couldn't fight it any more, and he couldn't give Ennis up. Even though he'd been working on the ranch idea for months, now it was more important than ever, important that they take it on together. It would be an anchor that held them to each other.
And he wasn't going to try to force any more out out of Ennis. If there were rough times because of Jack, if there were times Ennis retreated from him...well, that's the way it would have to be...as long as, when it was over, he came back to Travis.
The week in California had been better than he had even hoped, and now he was turning his attention towards their future. He knew it was a lot to throw at Ennis all at once, so he was prepared to drop, for the moment, the topic of them living together, and he was going to back off the Jack problem. Ennis was right - as long as things were working, why go over and over it?
He was desperate to get Ennis on board with the idea of the ranch, the prospect of them working together for a common goal was more than exciting to him, especially since it was something that they both loved. So he would ease off everything but the ranch and unless something came up to blindside him, he was sure it would work out.
He wasn't going to fight it any more, he was going to accept it.
A week after they got back from California, they had a meeting at the bank to review the numbers and go over the plan with Ennis. He and Travis had already met briefly with the current owners; they had shown Ennis around the place, and he liked the looks of it, already had ideas of what he and Travis could do to make it more efficient, things he was doing at Slate River that would translate well to Crazy J.
That night they sat in Travis's living room and talked about the financing and the property, each trying to hide their enthusiasm, not wanting to jinx it by being too happy. Finally they gave up pretending and laughed like kids at Christmas, both talking at the same time, Ennis more excited than he could remember being in years.
There were still things to work out, of course, but it was a start. Within three months, Travis would sell his house and move to the ranch, and Ennis would leave his job at Slate River, but when Ennis would move there wasn't discussed.
Crazy J, Travis thought to himself. Couldn't have been Crazy A or Crazy Z, no...had to be J.
He and Ennis would be the owners of the Crazy J Ranch.
“Junior, this is Travis Shipley. Travis, my oldest daughter, Alma Jr.”
A couple weeks after signing the papers for the ranch, Ennis got up the nerve to ask Junior if Travis could come for Sunday dinner...it seemed like a good idea at the time, but now he was nervous.
“Hi, Travis, nice to meet you.” She introduced Kurt and the kids and they sat in the kitchen as she set out a pitcher of iced tea, and started peeling potatoes. “Dinner's ready in about an hour if you kids wanna go outside – if your homework is finished.”
She was shocked that her father had asked to bring someone over, shocked and happy. He had been alone since the divorce, in spite of the many times she had pushed him to go out with friends, or even, heaven forbid, go on a date.
She started the conversation that would last the whole evening innocently enough, “So Daddy, what's new?”
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2012-03-25 03:03 pm (UTC)at least i am happy about all those steps ennis is taking.
thank you!