A Day in the Life / December 13

[morrobay1990]

Title: A Day in the Life / December 13
Author: morrobay1990
Warning:
Genre: canon/1990
Word count: 350
Disclaimer: They are AP's
♥ Jack












The two sections of his life were starting to bump into each other. He hated the fact that he missed his evenings alone…even though he rarely did anything worth noting. And he wanted to be there for Junior and the kids...he definitely wasn’t going to make the same mistake with Ben and Meg that he’d made with his own kids…although if Jack were alive..........

The dream about the shirts had done him in, he was still paying for it...even though he had gone to see the kids after work today, to see if Junior needed anything and check on Ben, who asked him to sign his cast.

There was part of him that was retreating back into that dark quiet...that place he’d been these last seven years...the place he’d only recently begun to venture out of. For years, all his comfort had come from the past; it would take a while to get that same feeling of well-being from the present...was it even possible?

He spent some time the last two days going over the dream in detail...he imagined it could have happened just that way...and those shirts had stayed there all those years...had Jack forgotten about them? Or did he look at them every once in a while...when things got bad – that thought causing Ennis a fair amount of pain - did he take them off the nail...bring them into the light...let the power of those old days on Brokeback bring him a measure of ease...did he do any of those things?

As for Ennis, it was a daily war he waged...early morning...four or five...before dawn...that fleeting moment when the dreams were real...and then they weren’t...and he fought off reality as it began to creep in like a thief to rob him of the one thing he needed to get through his day...to get through his life.

He remembered that he used to love the dawn...he’d seen more than he could count with Jack, each one better than the one before. Now it signaled the end of pleasure, comfort, grief...the connection with Jack and the past...dawn of a new day...now he loved the dark.

Comments

[l-rabbit.livejournal.com]

Aww, poor Ennis! Beautifully written, and so sad...

[morrobay1990.livejournal.com]

I know...sometimes it's hard to give Ennis these memories and dreams, but they're part of him and all he has...I think he'd rather have these haunting dreams than no memories at all...

he's not real...he's not real...he's not real... I keep telling myself.

thanks for reading and commenting

[sid401k.livejournal.com]

Poor Ennis. I hope he cheers up some. But Christmas and the end of the year can be a sad time for some people.

[morrobay1990.livejournal.com]

yeah, it's probably Christmas

[mazaher.livejournal.com]

I hope Ennis will hold on to some evenings alone. Being alone is important in many ways to keep the inner, personal balance even, in parallel with how the outer, social balance is held even.
As for Jack, he kept the shirts in Lightning Flat, as though they could retrospectively heal his boyhood from the roots up. Maybe change the course of their story, bring them to join earlier, forever...

[morrobay1990.livejournal.com]

Ennis will always be a loner to some degree...he'll extend himself as far as he can to his family but I think he learned to be alone, and it's not foreign to him, not uncomfortable...to the contrary, I believe he gets a great deal of comfort in his isolation - if that makes any sense.

I love this...your words, even in a short comment, are healing to me...

As for Jack, he kept the shirts in Lightning Flat, as though they could retrospectively heal his boyhood from the roots up. Maybe change the course of their story, bring them to join earlier, forever...

thank you...

[mazaher.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry you should need healing at all =(
(*hugs*)

[deevah2.livejournal.com]

Ennis is becoming an active participant in Life- HIS Life. He is making a conscious decision to be alive in the/his world- not just on automatic putting one foot in front of the other to get through the day.

The end of year holidays can be so hard, filled with regret about should have, would have and could have...If the person can make it through the pain and sadness, the New Year can be filled with Hope-a chance to do things new, different, better. To be the best one can be for one's self first and foremost but also for family, friends, and unknowns to be met along the way.

That said, the sadness of this almost feels like Ennis' time may be at hand.

I am really enjoying this series.

D

[morrobay1990.livejournal.com]

So beautifully said! He is taking steps to be a little more involved...he's going a little further all the time, even if his progress is slow.

I don't know if he feels it as an "end of the year" thing...I should investigate this and see if they actually ever spent Thanksgiving or Christmas together, I bet they did (thank you! a new idea!).

I'm very glad you like it.

P. S. Even though this is sad and he's in a dark place right now, his time is not at hand...

Breaking free is hard to do

[joetheone.livejournal.com]

Breaking out of a slump and a depression are extremely difficult and a relapse into this is also hard to not do. When we think it is all going okay even when life is treating us fairly those things happen. As we approach Christmas make sure to think of others because so many of us as we get older put on the happy face for the holidays but deep in our hearts we have a lot of depressing feelings. We feel for all of those who are gone and not with us and we feel the pain of change and separation. It is very important to lend an ear and to have a shoulder to cry on and when we don't have that the world gets worse so when you are fighting the crowds and a person cuts you off and the driver who takes your parking place just smile and move on. You don't know what is up with their lives. Yes, they may be arrogant and self absorbed but something else is usually the cause of this and well, killing a person with kindness does not always work that minute it will sink in to the person. Joe

Re: Breaking free is hard to do

[morrobay1990.livejournal.com]

I love love love your comments! All the comments people are leaving on these are just blowing my mind, they're so thoughtful and insightful...I love how everybody really cares about this man and what he's going through.

You said this so well, and it hits home with me:
We feel for all of those who are gone and not with us and we feel the pain of change and separation.

And you're right; if we slow down and see how blessed we really are, losing a parking spot seems so insignificant...

See why I love you guys!

Re: Breaking free is hard to do

[mazaher.livejournal.com]

"You don't know what is up with their lives."
*This* is imo the essence of the respect which every living being deserves, just for the fact of being alive (and going to die at some point). Thank you so much for saying it out loud. And I wish you all happiness for the holidays. Your comments mean much to me the whole year long.

[sjmarv.livejournal.com]

Very poignant, this one.

Thanks for being so disciplined in writing these. I look forward to them every day.

Susan

[morrobay1990.livejournal.com]

Thanks, Susan, I'm glad you look forward to them. Some days are boring but I'm going to put them out there anyway, it's just like real life...and I see Ennis as trying to find his way right now...he's got a long way to go...

[gwylliondream.livejournal.com]

Oh... oh... you really got into his head there...