A Day in the Life / December 14

[morrobay1990]

Title: A Day in the Life / December 14
Author: morrobay1990
Warning:
Genre: canon/1990
Word count: 150
Disclaimer: They are AP's
♥ Jack


















By Friday, the sharp pain of the dream had receded and he was able to focus on whatever good he could remember...and there was a lot of good.

If he were an analytical man, he might have seen the pattern emerge...the bad dreams...the hard dreams...brought everything back so clear, as if it had happened yesterday...as if they had kissed yesterday...talked...touched...

It was the pain that did it.

The pain of missing him so much made the dreams more intense, vivid...so real...and when he woke the pain remained and it took him some time to recover...but when he did - and this is where the pattern came in – the happiness he’d felt by knowing Jack, spending time with him...the things they’d shared...talking...not talking...making love...fucking... - overshadowed the pain...it was what carried him through…

If he were an analytical man......but he wasn’t.......

He didn’t need to be.

Comments

[sid401k.livejournal.com]

Ah, yes. The joy of once having had Jack in his life outweighs the pain of now NOT having him.

[mazaher.livejournal.com]

"Had we never loved so kindly, had we never loved so blindly, never met or never parted, we'd have never been broken-hearted". Time after time, old Bob Burns clinches it for me.

Logic

[joetheone.livejournal.com]

Logic does not come into play when we love so deeply. It is in all of us but we have a hard time bringing it up to the surface when Love comes into play. The longing and missing of the one part of your soul is hard to put logic on. To know that you had the opportunity to do so much more with that limited time on this earthly plane but missed out on it due to the morality and the bigotry of others will make you mad and insane at times. To know that the world would judge you for your thoughts and your love is also very hard to deal with and to have nobody to talk to or understand is also a big part of why he continues to go through all of this alone. The one person who really knew Ennis is gone and for him to open up and let another into his life is almost unreal to him. He feels a fear that opening up again will only bring more hurt and pain to him when in essence it could help him heal and move forward and accept that loss and cherish the good parts. The parts when Jack was with him and they were together instead of the rest. Okay well I'm rambling and probably not making sense to others but this inner hurt is something that I think a lot of gay people feel even when so called acceptance is around you. I know we all feel this at holidays at least the majority of the people I know. Yes, our families are different from 25 years ago they let us participate in the family events now and they smile, hug and cheer us on at PFLAG groups but their is that underlying feeling that if they really have to see us dance, hold hands or give a peck on the cheek to our loved one it would freak them out to no end. So yes we are moving forward and hopefully as generations go on we will get to that point. We are moving forward but still that underlying feeling of being watched observed and looks at from those who you think our your loved ones who never say a bad thing to your face you just get this feeling. Joe

Re: Logic

[morrobay1990.livejournal.com]

I like it when you ramble, and you make perfect sense.

It's heartbreaking The one person who really knew Ennis is gone...

That's why I keep this going, why I have to know what he did, how he survived...(maybe to help myself survive?)

The other part of your comment is sad and troubling...you "get this feeling" that all might not be as it seems, even with close family & friends. I'd like to think you're wrong, and that they accept you and your partner and the love you share. I sincerely hope you are wrong this time.

Thanks so much.

[gwylliondream.livejournal.com]

Nice job keeping this up every day... I love how joe's comment is ten times longer than the fic!