A Day In The Life / May 11
May. 11th, 2013 06:05 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
morrobay1990Title: A Day In The Life, May 11
Author:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
morrobay1990
Genre: post canon/1991
Word count: 830
Disclaimer: Jack & Ennis are AP's.
♥ Jack
“What else?”
For a moment, Ennis heard only his own inner voice asking what else he remembered about Brokeback… heard only Jack’s voice drifting down the years, asking him...”What else you remember?”
“Ennis?” It was Jeff asking the question.
“Yeah...what?”
“I said what else did Tim say? What’d he tell us we needed to get done by next week? I can’t remember it all.”
Slowly, reluctantly, Ennis turned his mind away from the past and toward the job at hand...the ranch was gearing up for the first round-up and there was still a lot to do.
“First thing’s the horses...we still gotta work with Magic and Rocket, finish gettin em used to green riders...we ain’t got but two guys outta the ten ever even been on a horse before...I sure thought we’d have more than that...”, he frowned as he thought of spending a whole week with all those suit-types.
They started walking toward the barn, “Listen Ennis, Tim didn’t set up the groups yet...I mean, we don’t know who we’re gonna be stuck with...might not be so bad…entertainin a buncha outta-towners is better than fixing the barn roof or some other shit needs to be done.”
“I guess...I’m more worried about the horses...buncha guys don’t know nothing, think they know everything…I swear, first time one of em don’t listen to me and the horse ends up payin for it...”
Tim was walking out of the barn as Jeff and Ennis were walking in, “How you guys doin with the horses, we gonna be ready?”
Ennis spoke up, “We’ll be ready, but I’m wonderin about the...guests. These guys gonna listen to us? Or they gonna be know-it-alls and try to prove they don’t need nobody tellin em what to do? I ain’t gonna have any a these horses hurt or tore up just because some...”
Tim interrupted, “Ennis, you know they signed a form when they sent in their deposit saying they would be financially responsible for anything caused by them, either by not followin the rules, or just by tearin things up. “
Ennis stared him down, unconvinced, started to speak but Tim put his hand up and continued, “We’re gonna go over everything with em before the first ride…tell em what’s expected and that while they’re paying guests, they need to follow the rules. We’ll have em take care of their horse the first night, get to be around em…they’ll settle down, be ok.”
“Guess we’ll see...”
”What else you remember?”
He put the glass down, rested his head back, mind drifting to where it always wanted to go, familiar warmth from the whiskey and his thoughts of Jack trailing through his veins.
Sleep didn’t come just yet...he was in that space between wake and sleep.
Were his eyes open?
Did he see the moon, full and low, suspended on black velvet?
Did he feel the weight of Jack’s head in his lap?
Did he smell the remains of their dinner, long forgotten because they had cared less for food and more for each other, and the food had burned to cinders over the fading flames?
Did he hear the soft murmur of Jack’s voice, garbled sounds growing louder and more distinct, closer...now clear, coming back to him across the years.
“What else you remember about that summer? I’ll tell you, I got the whole thing to memory...remember every damn thing...well, most of it...”
He raised up on his elbows and looked directly at Ennis, “You know I took your shirt?”
“Yeah, I know...well, I know now...didn’t know then...what’d you take it for?”
Jack settled back in Ennis’s lap, “C’mon, Ennis. Figure it out. Ain’t so hard to figure...wanted somethin...”
“I didn’t have nothin a yours...”
Jack, defiant, “Ain’t my fault. Maybe you didn’t want nothin, just wanted it to be over...”
Suddenly the impact of his own words hit him and he opened his eyes wide, hurt, angry, challenging Ennis to deny the truth he’d known all along...Ennis looked down at him and Jack saw there no return challenge, no fight, no denial.
He struggled to sit upright, desperate to get away, but Ennis made a rare move to hold him still, to hold him, to comfort him in his clumsy way...though he knew it would never be enough.
His voice was low, close to a whisper, pleading, asking for forgiveness, and he didn’t even know what for.
“Jack...I know. I want to...”
He came aware.
There was no moon, no smell of the burned dinner, no physical feeling of Jack.
The dream was too close to reality...their reality...but for a few minutes he’d been with the person he loved most in the world...the one person he knew and loved better than anyone else.
It had taken him decades to see what he couldn’t see then...his dreams of Jack - good, bad, his fault, no fault, everybody’s fault - were his penance...what he had to pay to stay sane.
He paid willingly.
Author:
morrobay1990Genre: post canon/1991
Word count: 830
Disclaimer: Jack & Ennis are AP's.
♥ Jack
“What else?”
For a moment, Ennis heard only his own inner voice asking what else he remembered about Brokeback… heard only Jack’s voice drifting down the years, asking him...”What else you remember?”
“Ennis?” It was Jeff asking the question.
“Yeah...what?”
“I said what else did Tim say? What’d he tell us we needed to get done by next week? I can’t remember it all.”
Slowly, reluctantly, Ennis turned his mind away from the past and toward the job at hand...the ranch was gearing up for the first round-up and there was still a lot to do.
“First thing’s the horses...we still gotta work with Magic and Rocket, finish gettin em used to green riders...we ain’t got but two guys outta the ten ever even been on a horse before...I sure thought we’d have more than that...”, he frowned as he thought of spending a whole week with all those suit-types.
They started walking toward the barn, “Listen Ennis, Tim didn’t set up the groups yet...I mean, we don’t know who we’re gonna be stuck with...might not be so bad…entertainin a buncha outta-towners is better than fixing the barn roof or some other shit needs to be done.”
“I guess...I’m more worried about the horses...buncha guys don’t know nothing, think they know everything…I swear, first time one of em don’t listen to me and the horse ends up payin for it...”
Tim was walking out of the barn as Jeff and Ennis were walking in, “How you guys doin with the horses, we gonna be ready?”
Ennis spoke up, “We’ll be ready, but I’m wonderin about the...guests. These guys gonna listen to us? Or they gonna be know-it-alls and try to prove they don’t need nobody tellin em what to do? I ain’t gonna have any a these horses hurt or tore up just because some...”
Tim interrupted, “Ennis, you know they signed a form when they sent in their deposit saying they would be financially responsible for anything caused by them, either by not followin the rules, or just by tearin things up. “
Ennis stared him down, unconvinced, started to speak but Tim put his hand up and continued, “We’re gonna go over everything with em before the first ride…tell em what’s expected and that while they’re paying guests, they need to follow the rules. We’ll have em take care of their horse the first night, get to be around em…they’ll settle down, be ok.”
“Guess we’ll see...”
”What else you remember?”
He put the glass down, rested his head back, mind drifting to where it always wanted to go, familiar warmth from the whiskey and his thoughts of Jack trailing through his veins.
Sleep didn’t come just yet...he was in that space between wake and sleep.
Were his eyes open?
Did he see the moon, full and low, suspended on black velvet?
Did he feel the weight of Jack’s head in his lap?
Did he smell the remains of their dinner, long forgotten because they had cared less for food and more for each other, and the food had burned to cinders over the fading flames?
Did he hear the soft murmur of Jack’s voice, garbled sounds growing louder and more distinct, closer...now clear, coming back to him across the years.
“What else you remember about that summer? I’ll tell you, I got the whole thing to memory...remember every damn thing...well, most of it...”
He raised up on his elbows and looked directly at Ennis, “You know I took your shirt?”
“Yeah, I know...well, I know now...didn’t know then...what’d you take it for?”
Jack settled back in Ennis’s lap, “C’mon, Ennis. Figure it out. Ain’t so hard to figure...wanted somethin...”
“I didn’t have nothin a yours...”
Jack, defiant, “Ain’t my fault. Maybe you didn’t want nothin, just wanted it to be over...”
Suddenly the impact of his own words hit him and he opened his eyes wide, hurt, angry, challenging Ennis to deny the truth he’d known all along...Ennis looked down at him and Jack saw there no return challenge, no fight, no denial.
He struggled to sit upright, desperate to get away, but Ennis made a rare move to hold him still, to hold him, to comfort him in his clumsy way...though he knew it would never be enough.
His voice was low, close to a whisper, pleading, asking for forgiveness, and he didn’t even know what for.
“Jack...I know. I want to...”
He came aware.
There was no moon, no smell of the burned dinner, no physical feeling of Jack.
The dream was too close to reality...their reality...but for a few minutes he’d been with the person he loved most in the world...the one person he knew and loved better than anyone else.
It had taken him decades to see what he couldn’t see then...his dreams of Jack - good, bad, his fault, no fault, everybody’s fault - were his penance...what he had to pay to stay sane.
He paid willingly.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
nice combo
Date: 2013-05-12 12:04 am (UTC)thanks for these, i'm glad they're still coming.
kj
May 11
Date: 2013-05-12 04:02 am (UTC)Well, each day for decades, each dream for decades... his penance, but also his opportunity to forgive himself just a bit, so he can continue to move forward with Junior and his grandchildren. And maybe someday, Jenny...
And Mother's Day is tomorrow. What dreams then?
Thanks again.
Bud
Beauty
Date: 2013-05-12 04:58 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2013-05-12 06:57 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2013-05-12 08:23 am (UTC)Yes, dealing with the dead in dreams is a bitch, but also the way to make more time, in an unexpected way, even after time has run out. Resolution or at least rearrangement for the living, and one is left with the indelible impression that somehow it also works for the dead...
The horses. There is a saying in the local dialect: the wise know nothing, the informed know a bit, the fool know every fucking thing.
no subject
Date: 2013-05-31 02:28 am (UTC)Ennis is so hollow.